I Had to Say Something by Mike Jones

Author:Mike Jones [Jones, Mike]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Seven Stories Press
Published: 2010-05-25T14:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 7

DISCOVERING TED HAGGARD

After almost two weeks of going from the bathroom to the couch to the kitchen to the couch, with few if any stops in between, I had to do something. One afternoon, I couldn’t take my own stench anymore, so I got up and showered. Then I put on what few clean clothes I could find and went outside for a walk. It felt good, but I could only do it for an hour. Back home, I plopped down on the couch again, but at least I’d gotten out and done something. Everything in moderation, including moderation.

I started doing a little more each day. During one particular burst of energy, I went into my closets and started throwing things out. Just as my father and I had done a few weeks earlier when we’d gone through Mom’s belongings, I wanted to get rid of whatever I no longer needed. Old papers. Old clothes. Most of my trophies from bowling or bodybuilding competitions. They just didn’t mean anything to me anymore.

From California, I’d carried home my mom’s collection of porcelain and glass angels. I created a little display in her honor on a desk in my bedroom, where I placed all the angels and some of her jewelry and perfume bottles. It wasn’t meant to be a shrine but a reminder that she is here with me, in spirit.

“Please help me go forward from here,” I’d pray aloud to her. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, so please stay close.”

I called my father twice a day. I was merely checking in, so we didn’t talk much. Phone calls aren’t like real visits, where you can touch someone or look into their eyes. My father assured me that he was fine and said that I didn’t need to check up on him so often. I cut back on the calls, but to this day I talk with him two or three times a week.

Come the end of January, I had just enough money in the bank to pay February bills. Calls were coming in for massage appointments. I still had ads out there, so it was good to be getting calls. As a masseur, I can almost meditate while I’m giving a massage. Both parties benefit.

I also started getting modeling calls from an art school where I’d modeled before and from individual artists and artist groups as well. I even had a few weight-training clients call me to get started again. Those were great, too, because the workouts took place at the client’s home on their own private equipment, making it very focused on them and their training issues and at the same time providing me with the perfect escape from my issues.

I had stopped actively advertising escort services in favor of massage and personal training. Occasionally an old client would call, but I was trying to limit the escort side as much as possible and was, for the most part, succeeding. I simply didn’t have the strength to be “on” for those clients.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.